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Elizabeth was a woman who knew what she wanted from the very beginning. Her fascination with shoes started from birth. She was always happiest in the shoe aisle when we shopped. I will never forget the first time I brought her to a shoe store. She was barely 15 months old, but she ran up and down the aisles with sheer joy because EVERY aisle was a shoe aisle. And she knew which pair of shoes she wanted the instant she saw them--thankfully they had her size because I knew I wasn’t getting out of the store without them. Elizabeth had that way of getting what she wanted--it was always hard to tell her “no”.

Early on, we started calling her our “princess.” Apparently we called her princess quite a lot because soon she was asking questions like “If I’m a princess where is my castle?” When I told her that some princesses don’t live in castles she said that she must be one of those princesses then. She never questioned her royal status beyond that. Once at dance class she decided to tell another little girl that she was, in fact, a real princess. That little girl told Elizabeth that her mommy told her that princesses are pretend. Elizabeth asked me through tears after class if that meant that she was pretend since she was, afterall, a princess. I told her that no, she wasn’t pretend, and that she was very very real. Even now I can still say she is very very real.

In June of 2004 our lives changed forever. When Elizabeth was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I thought I would crumble. I couldn’t understand how or why she could have cancer--especially pancreatic cancer--and I didn’t know how we would make it. Through a family support group with the Michael Hoefflin Foundation, we found the emotional and practical support we needed. Elizabeth loved going to meetings. Quickly she had real friends that she looked forward to seeing every time. Hospital visits turned into social calls as Elizabeth got to know the nurses and other hospital staff. Even after there was nothing left that could be done for Elizabeth at the hospital, she wanted to go in for her weekly blood draws so she could see her friends. She’d have her list of who she had to see before we could leave. Some people got hugs or pictures and others got licks on the cheek, but everyone was special to Elizabeth.

To say Elizabeth was fiesty doesn’t even begin to describe her strong will. Elizabeth defied all odds at every step of the way. We were told in March 2005 that she had maybe 6 months left. We were told again in March 2006 that it might be 3-6 months. And in January when we viewed her last scan, her doctor told us he didn’t expect her to make it past the end of the month. Elizabeth fought her way through 19 extra days, giving us the most precious gift of more time with her. Elizabeth truly did things her way, even choosing when to die. She never lost consciousness and was awake until the very end.

Elizabeth loved being a little girl and doing normal little girl things. Elizabeth’s surgery in June 2005 kept her from dancing in the annual recital. She was so disappointed. Last June, as the girls were getting ready to take the stage and perform, her first dance teacher turned to her and said “Elizabeth, this is your year to dance.” And it was. She was able to go on her Make-A-Wish Disney Cruise and swim with the rays at the Disney Island. Elizabeth started school for the first time at her big brother’s alma mater--just like she wanted. She joined Girl Scouts and became a Brownie, and even though it was for such a short time, it felt like she knew these girls forever. The kids she was able to meet and be friends with love her so much and took such good care of her. There were obstacles at each step, but Elizabeth’s smile and charm had people jumping through hoops to please her. She just had a way of getting what she wanted no matter what it took.

She was brave and courageous, strong and particular, but she was also a girly girl and a princess who liked sparkly nail polish, princess dresses and tiaras, Barbie dolls and baby dolls, Care Bears and all things Disney. She wanted to grow up to be a ballerina. She wanted to compete on American Idol so she could meet Simon Cowell (whom she liked quite a bit, probably because she could relate to how brutally honest he is). She wanted to move into a real castle some day and hopefully grow fins so she could be a mermaid and spend her days swimming with rays and dolphins. Elizabeth loved the beach and swimming. She humored me as I used tons and tons of gauze pads and package after package of tegaderm to tape up her line to make it very waterproof so she could splash in a pool. She also wanted to fly. She wanted wings so badly that for awhile she wanted to wear her Tinkerbell costume all the time. She hoped that the wings would start to work. Her favorite ride at Disneyland was Soarin’ where she could feel like she was really flying. If given the choice between wings and a tail, I think Elizabeth would find some way to get both.

She was patient with me and let me take care of her. She loves her brothers, and when she called them “stinky boys” it was with affection most of the time. She is her daddy’s little girl and he was her rock, suffering endless baps to the head. She taught me how to live, even when I didn’t feel like it. She taught me that the little things just don’t matter in the big picture. She was my princess, and I will always be thankful that I was lucky enough to be her mommy. I miss you sweet girl and I will always love you more than all the stars in the sky and all the rainbows there ever were.